Page 48 - Silver Lakes_Issue 10_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

BULLYING: A BEHAVIOUR

MANAGEMENT APPROACH

By Dr Ilse Ruane

ehaviour management is the
umbrella that’s often used to deal
Bwith behavioural issues at home
and at school. It is also an effective way
of dealing with bullying. This is because
discipline is what’s needed in the moment
of inappropriate behaviour – but discipline
needs to be focused on changing the
behavioural outcome in the future.

The goal must be future-oriented because
the here and now is far too emotionally
laden to alter without it becoming
punitive.

Punishment is one of the tools needed
for discipline. Punishment is used when
disciplining, but it needn’t be punitive.
Punitive punishment invites retaliation and The causes of bullying are systemic. Bullying It is true that discipline starts in the home,
rebellion. When punishment is punitive, it happens within a system and the system but the tendency to blame the parents is
has little effect on future behaviour. reinforces the process of bullying. Bullying too pervasive. Naturally, parents are going
therefore serves a function both internally to be defensive because they are being
We need to remember that behaviour is and externally for the child. It is at this level blamed. A defensive approach has little
reactive. As human beings, we respond that we need to intervene and uncover the value in terms of change. We often see that
to a situation in one of three ways: fight, “why” in the child’s behaviour. in a parent-teacher meeting some parents
flight or freeze mode. For a bullying child come in threatening the staff – and it’s
to learn to change their behaviour – and Children who exhibit inappropriate bullying the same way that their particular child
bullying is a behaviour – the child needs to behaviour are generally lacking in empathy, behaves.
be receptive. The problem is that the entire show poor modulation or regulation
system responds negatively when bullying and poor social reasoning, and display Parents, if this is you, you need to
occurs, making it virtually impossible for communication difficulties. If we address understand that this does very little to help
the child to be receptive because he or she these issues, the behaviour tends to change. your child. It actually reinforces the view
is on the defence. that the child is the “problem” and you are
Bullying is symptomatic of a deficit. where the problem originates.
The reaction by those in the school system Disciplining a bully will not change the
(parents, teacher, headmaster, etc) is system as the underlying reasons are not Our parenting styles are influenced by the
therefore not necessarily conducive to being addressed. way we were parented. However, talks on
bringing about change. We need to change parenting styles neglect to take culture into
and shift the way we see bullying. Parenting styles account. Practices of discipline are largely
I often hear this about bullying: “It’s learnt cultural, too. And there is a generational
Discipline cannot follow a textbook. It behaviour from home.” Yes, the home life influence as well.
has to be tailormade for each particular creates the context where behaviour is
child and situation. There cannot be a learnt. However, to approach the problem We assume that we can approach life in
“one approach fits all” policy. We need to of bullying from this perspective only the same way our parents did, but we
be constantly cognisant of the fact that results in a blame game. When it comes cannot. That life does not exist anymore.
behaviour is learned – and therefore, to parenting styles, we need to approach The current reality is far more complex and
behaviour can change. things gently. convoluted than in the past.

46 | INTRAMUROS NOVEMBER 2022