Page 49 - Silver Lakes_Issue 10_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

Psychologists tend to focus on four main back and stop trying to be the child’s permissive parents offer no security and so
parenting styles: permissive, authoritative, friend because this results in a child the child feels unsafe in the world.
neglectful and authoritarian. These styles without boundaries, a child who does
are used in child psychology today and are not know where things begin and end. How does this carry on into the teen
based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a years?
development psychologist, and Stanford Boundaries A secure child who grows up with
researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John It is a child’s role to push the boundaries, boundaries knows they have a safe space
Martin. and it is our job as parents to push back. within which to function and that life is fairly
A child does not push the boundaries predictable. The child without boundaries
Each parenting style has different effects because he or she wants them to fail. grows up in an insecure environment and is
on children’s behaviour and can be Their role is to test the boundaries, to test enabled to harm parents and friends. This
identified by certain characteristics as your resolve; it’s as if they are saying: “Are child does not get the opportunity to learn
well as degrees of responsiveness (the you going to give in or are you going to be empathy.
extent to which parents are warm and strong? Because if you are strong, then I
sensitive to their children’s needs) and can go on and explore the world and test Without set boundaries, a child cannot
demandingness (the extent of control that the next boundary.” learn about the self and the other. This
parents put on their children in an attempt means they do not learn to read social cues
to influence their behaviour). The child is testing their space. “Where am accurately as there is a constant blending
I safe and where am I not safe? Where are of the self and the other. In other words,
However, I would caution you to beware of mom and dad sure and where are they not as a teenager, the child is denied the
these four parenting styles. As people, we sure?” The same applies in the classroom: opportunity to develop a solid sense of self.
are judgemental. We need to understand. “Where is the teacher sure and where is
So, l will oversimplify the styles for the the teacher not sure?” So, permissive and authoritarian parenting
purpose of digging into why the parents styles either constrict a child’s development
are parenting in that style. In so doing, the Anxious children tend to test more or deny the child the environment they
intervention becomes that much easier boundaries. Ironically, when authoritarian need to ensure their optimal development.
because we understand the process. parents create rigid boundaries in their These parents need to change their style of
children, it tends to backfire on them parenting.
Research tells us that authoritarian as it often encourages children to rebel.
and permissive parenting styles are Rebellion isolates the child and they find The most ideal parenting style is
linked directly to bullying behaviours. themselves alone, which makes their authoritative as it allows for open
Interestingly, they are at opposite ends world unsafe and scary. communication where there are rules
of the continuum: “Do whatever you and boundaries, as well as where fair and
like” versus “You will do what I say”. Permissive parents fare no better. By telling balanced discipline takes place. I am not
Strict parenting and an absence of strict their child that there are no boundaries, saying you cannot discipline a child, but
parenting may both result in bullying
behaviour.

• Authoritarian parenting style – “Do it
because I say so”
There is no questioning, no
understanding. There is punishment.
The child must be punished for
wrongdoing. There is no flexibility, and
no modelling of flexibility or growth so
the child can learn to be flexible and to
grow as a person. It is a linear and rigid
approach.

• Permissive parenting style – parents
who struggle to be authoritarian or
authoritative in any kind of a way
These are scared parents. It is
overwhelming and daunting for them
to be a parent. They need to take a step

INTRAMUROS NOVEMBER 2022 | 47