Page 30 - SilverLakes_Issue 4_2022

TODAY’S CHILD

EVALUATING BOUNDARIES

By Dr Ilse Ruane

reating healthy boundaries is Your boundaries are your way of telling behave around them and how they will
empowering. By recognising the people how you would like to be treated. respond when someone steps outside
Cneed to set and enforce limits, you As you become more skilled at setting those limits.
protect your self-esteem, maintain self- boundaries, you will see a shift in how
respect and enjoy healthy relationships. people treat you. Boundaries are about establishing how
you want to be treated. To set boundaries
But there is an art to setting boundaries. It Setting boundaries is an important part of in relationships is vital as we differentiate
is a skill we need to learn. Boundaries are establishing one’s identity and is a crucial ourselves from the other person. It is the
not meant to punish; rather, they are there aspect of mental health and wellbeing. line between where I end and you begin.
for your wellbeing and protection. They are Boundaries can be physical or emotional, Thus, healthy boundaries define who we
more effective when you are assertive and and they can range from being loose to are in relation to others. They help us to
calm but firm. If that does not work, you rigid, with healthy boundaries often falling know what we will tolerate and what the
may need to communicate consequences somewhere in between. limits are with others. They teach people
to encourage people to respect them. It is who we are and how we would like to be
essential, however, that you never threaten It is important to remember that handled in relationships.
a consequence you are not fully prepared boundaries are learned. But not to worry,
to carry out. boundaries can be learned at any stage in Good personal boundaries protect you.
life. Without them life feels scary and you may
As stated, setting boundaries is a skill, feel anxious. Additionally, having a sense of
which gets easier the more you practise What are boundaries? boundaries helps you to connect with your
it. And the more you practise, the less Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits true self. They are based on your beliefs,
guilt and fear you will feel, and the more that a person creates to identify for thoughts, feelings, decisions, choices,
accustomed people will become to your themselves what the reasonable, safe and wants and needs. They can be clear,
boundaries. permissible ways are for other people to maintained and sometimes flexible.

28 | INTRAMUROS MAY 2022