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TODAY’S CHILD

Assess the current state of your boundaries
by looking at the following characteristics of HEALTHY
healthy and unhealthy boundaries:

Setting healthy boundaries
Learning to set healthy boundaries takes
time. It is a process. Set them in your own
time-frame, not when someone else tells
you. Here are some tips for setting healthy
boundaries:
• Know yourself. This means knowing your
thoughts, beliefs, feelings, choices and • There is no black and white. This is desire. What do you really want? What
experiences. It also means knowing and linked to the previous point. Everyone’s is truly important to you in your life? Get
connecting with your needs, feelings experience is based on their perception clear on your most important values.
and bodily sensations. Without knowing of what is happening. You may have Use your values to guide your decisions
yourself, you cannot really know your a different perception. Try to find the versus others’ opinions or expectations.
limits and needs. In other words, without bigger picture. Use this to help you find what is missing
knowing yourself, you will not be able to • Pay attention to activities and people from your life.
determine which boundaries need to be who drain you and those who energise • Although you cannot control how others
put in place. This knowledge will also help you. Protect yourself by saying no to those feel and react to the boundaries you
you to define your needs more clearly when who drain you, or find ways to reduce set, you can do your part in delivering
boundaries are crossed. Remember that these feelings through setting limits or your message in a warm and clear way.
setting boundaries is healthy and actually lowering unhealthy standards. Add more Try setting the boundaries clearly and
serves everyone, while putting others first energising activities to your day instead. compassionately by labelling what is
leaves you feeling tired, resentful and with • Practise the pause. When you feel the happening and why you are setting this
your needs largely unmet. urge to run away, stop and check in with new boundary.
• Be flexible. Having healthy boundaries yourself. What are you feeling? How • Hang around people who add value.
does not mean rigidly saying no to would you like to react? • If your boundary isn’t effective,
everything, nor does it mean becoming • Get clear on what you value and revisit it.
a hermit to protect yourself from others.
We are constantly growing, learning and
evolving as human beings; therefore, our
boundaries need to be flexible.
• Let go of judgement about yourself.
When you can accept yourself for who
you are, there is less of a need to hide
your true self. A more positive inner world
can help you feel safer with vulnerability.
Judging ourselves less means we are
able to judge others less. This allows o Marital, Couples & Family Therapy
for understanding and makes setting o Counselling Children, Adolescents & Adults
boundaries easier because the boundary is
then not based on a predetermined notion o “Teen” Challenges
of the self or the other. o Behavioural & Adjustment Challenges
• Carry your own bag of emotions. Feel o Stress-Related Challenges
what you feel. Do not take responsibility o Adjustment to Depression & Anxiety
for others or take on the emotions of o Subject & Career Psychometric Testing
others. Try practising openness by being
willing to listen to others about how your For an appointment please call
behaviour affects them. Acknowledge and
make the necessary changes if you are 083 3761995
affecting them, but weigh in on what is Fees are charged according to Scale of Benefits
your responsibility in the interaction. Only
Practice Address: 27 Fish Eagle Street, Silver lakes, Pretoria
carry what is yours to carry; give back
Pr. Nr. 0860000114022 | Reg. No.: PS 0080543
their feelings, thoughts and expectations.

30 | INTRAMUROS MAY 2022