Page 35 - Silver Lakes Issue 5 May 2023

TODAY’S CHILD

PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES IS WHAT

TEENS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO

By Dr Ilse Ruane

e often hear adults describe evaluated from our subjective adult mindset. Stay the course
teenagers this way: “Teenagers This mindset has decades of knowledge Stay close and offer your support. Parents
Ware difficult; they hate their informing it, but we often fail to realise that need to nurture their teenage children
parents; they don’t listen; they can’t be teens have a fraction of the information and as they grow, just like you did when they
trusted.” experience at their disposal to use. were younger. It’s tricky because when
they were younger, they acquiesced to
While many parents will agree Even parents who realise this often miss parental authority and were willing to
wholeheartedly with those descriptions, the opportunity of relaying their experience listen to your discourse. Now you need to
it’s important for you to be aware that the and information as guidance. Instead, they find ways to hold their attention by creating
true nature of your teen is somewhere in carry it across as instructions, lectures and conversations that add value to their lives
between the fiery independence-seeking ultimatums, which teens automatically and enable them to grow as individuals.
person and the fragile little child. It may be distance themselves from, no matter how
challenging for you to see this, but the fact good the information actually is. While your teen does not like to be told
is, your teen is the same person they have what to do, you can map out the territory
always been – a loving, caring, kind person Lecture a teen and you lose their attention. for them by showing them the different
who desires connection, understanding Demonstrate curiosity and interest, and routes they can take, and suggesting the
and support. you will have a conversation as well as the correct path. You have raised them, now
opportunity to drop in a pearl or two of trust your parenting. If they make a mistake,
Teenagers go through big changes and wisdom. jump in and help – but you can only jump
do not have a map on how or where to in if you’ve created a space where they can
go. Today’s parents have teenage maps Teens are growing, changing and coming come back to you when things do not turn
that are outdated, so they often struggle under pressure to become independent. out as planned.
to grasp where their teenager is coming While we need to give them more
from. freedom and make space for their need for The conversations are complicated, but the
independence, this does not mean we need basic idea is the same. Teens need more
It’s important to understand that the way to pull away from them. In fact, at this time connection and guidance, not less. It’s their
we adults look at our teens’ behaviour, of big change, your teen needs you more job to nurture their independence. This
actions, thoughts, outbursts, etc. is than ever. may feel as if they are pulling away from

INTRAMUROS MAY 2023 | 33