Page 37 - Silver Lakes Issue 5 May 2023

TODAY’S CHILD

activity – so, in order to belong to the It’s a backhanded compliment, I know.
group, members must comply with peer This, again, is why boundaries are essential
pressure. It’s worrying, and it’s a recipe with teens. You should not accept
for rejection, mockery and more bullying. disrespect. Being a boundary parent
allows you to position yourself against the
If parents have open and honest disrespect while demonstrating a lot of
conversations about progressive physical understanding too. The only people who
intimacy in relationships, when the do not like boundaries are people who
above example comes up, parents have no boundaries.
are able to include comments like
“gentleman and ladies don’t kiss and Teens are learning boundaries. They
tell” and “certain sexual behaviours desperately need to set these with peers
should only happen in long-term, and girlfriends/boyfriends, so who better
committed relationships or when you’re to learn from than through the role real with your teenager. When afforded an
an adult”. modelling offered by their parents. opportunity to have a conversation, try one
of the following questions:
Belonging Three questions I have learnt to
We all need to belong. Our teens need this ask teens 1. Do you want advice, or do you want me
too, hence the strong pull towards the peer It is so easy to get caught up in what to just listen?
group. Make your home a place where others are doing, even more so when 2. Which decision will make you most
everyone feels they belong. This means you are a teen, because uncertainty proud?
working hard on your family culture by reigns. I find it helpful to remember what 3. How can I best support you today?
creating traditions and memories that feel my teachers said when I was at school:
like home. It also means creating a broader “Keep your eyes on your own work.” Everyone grows into independence
sense of belonging by creating a home when they are ready. Ease the transition;
culture where friends are welcome. As parents, we need to keep our eyes do not rush it. Remember: the best way
on our own teen/s. Stop worrying about to promote the behaviour you want to see
If the friends feel welcome, your teen and what the other teens are doing and is to model it. Do you want your teen/s
their friends will be around your home achieving, and the wrong turns they are to be kind, gentle and responsible? Then be
more often. This enables you to create taking. Just be authentically present and that.
experiences for them and their friends
which are safe, fun and nurturing. An open-
door policy for friends is a great way to get
to know who your teens are spending time
with and a great opportunity for modelling
desired behaviours.

The inclusion of friends also provides the
opportunity to make a comment as to why
X never comes over to the house. Maybe o Marital, Couples & Family Therapy
they aren’t the people your teen wants to o Counselling Children, Adolescents & Adults
have over, so they should not be spending
o “Teen” Challenges
time with them. Generally, the friends who
are willing to come to your home are the o Behavioural & Adjustment Challenges
teens you do not mind your child hanging o Stress-Related Challenges
out with – but sometimes they can be a bad o Adjustment to Depression & Anxiety
influence too, so pay attention. o Subject & Career Psychometric Testing

Don’t take it personally For an appointment please call
There will be conflict, just like at any age. 083 376 1995
Your teen will take their frustrations out on
you. Try not to take it personally. See them Fees are charged according to Scale of Benefits
instead of their behaviour. You are their safe Practice Address: 27 Fish Eagle Street, Silver lakes, Pretoria
place, which also means you are safe for Pr. Nr. 0860000114022 | Reg. No.: PS 0080543
them to let out their emotions.

INTRAMUROS MAY 2023 | 35