Page 34 - Intra Muros September 2023

TODAY’S CHILD

When an opportunity for opening a
discussion presents itself, listen out for
any misunderstandings. Remember: it is
common for teens to have fears based on
the information at their disposal and on
the limited life experience they have. As
stated, timing with teens is everything.
When they bring up something, be ready.

They may bring up “a friend’s problem”.
This is a wonderful learning opportunity
because the friend’s problem provides
emotional distance. It allows for the
problem to be externalised, so it can be
discussed more openly and proactively.

When discussing the problem, ask for your
teen’s input; don’t just air your views. We
want to help them develop their thought
processes around tackling problems. For
this to happen, we need to allow them the
space to express themselves so that their Whichever way you choose to unpack these to associate with. However, if you
way of reasoning and any shortcomings issues with your teen, the idea behind it is forbid your child from engaging in such
come to light. the same: to enable them to understand the associations, they may rebel and seek
process behind how decisions are made. out these people intentionally.
Don’t force your teen to talk. Some teens Hopefully, they have received a practical
will act as if they are not bothered by the learning opportunity. Your best hope is that through the
situation. If so, there is no reason to push learning opportunities you present to
them. Just tell them that you are there to 2. Limit your child’s exposure to social your child, you’ve created a space where
listen when they are ready. media they can distinguish decent people from
Open up conversations about what your bad influencers and know whom to keep
Teenage life is new, strange and teenager is seeing on social media. Be aware at a distance. A pivotal lesson to teach a
daunting. Romance can start blooming of the allure of early drinking and vaping, teen is that every valuable relationship
and take on a physical form; there for example, that is promoted in the virtual can be predicated on the word “no”.
may be experimentation with alcohol world. You’ll need to learn how to navigate If a friend will not take “no” for an
and smoking; personality and physical your child’s exposure to negative influences answer, then that friendship shouldn’t
changes occur. It’s hard for a teenager to in order to prevent your child from starting a last, especially when it comes to the
gauge what normality is during this phase. bad habit – or at least prevent the habit from pressures of a teen romance or smoking
What’s also concerning is that they tend getting worse. and drinking.
to rely on their friends for information –
friends who are just as confused as they As difficult as it is, try to monitor and limit 4. Controlling the controllables
are. your teen’s exposure to social media. The Control what you have control over and
world is constantly presented on social try loosening your grip on what you
If you suspect your teen is struggling with platforms in a certain way. We know that cannot control. During adolescence, a big
something but isn’t opening up, provide this is a fake world of false glamour that challenge is your child negating routines.
a learning opportunity by showing them can expose your child to the dangers of For example, many parents bemoan
how you are working through something. alcohol and drug use, bullying, trafficking, having spent many hours on the hockey
Let your child see what you do to sexual and emotional exploitation, and sheer field or cricket pitch or by the swimming
overcome a challenge. manipulation. It’s essential that you warn pool, only to have the teenager decide
them of these dangers because they may on a whim that they no longer want to
Let them see you struggle with that feel a great need to subscribe to whatever is participate. This extends to your teen no
challenge and what you put in place to online due to peer pressure. longer wanting to participate in family
bring about a resolution – this includes dinners or Sunday lunches.
who you call on for assistance and whose 3. Relationships and friendships
input you do not concern yourself with. Be vigilant about who your teens are hanging Stand your ground. Try to follow basic
Explain why you value one person’s out with. This is tricky because there are routines, the ones that provide comfort
opinion over another’s. friends that we do not want our children and familiarity in their structure. For

32 | INTRAMUROS SEPTEMBER 2023