Page 38 - Waterfall Issue 5 2021

Waterfall Humour

terrIers,

nOt POOdles!

By James Clarke
I
must have mentioned Maltese dogs
in my column recently because the
Lloyd family has emailed to say I
must stop describing Maltese as
poodles. The Lloyds were reacting to
something I wrote about Maltese dogs
and asked me to correct a common
belief that Maltese are poodles.
They are, the Lloyds say, terriers.

“Poodles are in a class of their own,
both in intelligence and in agility,”
says Renate Lloyd and she sent me
this quote from Rita Rudner: I wonder
if other dogs think poodles are
members of a weird religious cult?

This was followed by a whole
list of quotes about dogs:
“Outside of a dog, a book is probably
man’s best friend, and inside of a dog,
it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx.
“To his dog, every man is Napoleon;
hence the constant popularity
of dogs.” – Aldous Huxley your face.” – Ben Williams Are you sure the power is off?
“In dog years, I’m dead.” – unknown “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness The odds of that happening
“Did you ever walk into a room forgot about little puppies.” – Gene Hill have to be a million to one!
and forget why you walked in? “Cat’s Motto: No matter what you’ve Pull the pin and count to what?
I think that is how dogs spend done wrong, always try to make it I’ve seen this done on Tv.
their lives.” – Sue Murphy look like the dog did it.” – unknown These are the safe kind of mushrooms.
“I loathe people who keep dogs. “The average dog is a nicer I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
They are cowards who haven’t person than the average This doesn’t taste right.
got the guts to bite people person.” – Andrew A. Rooney Nice doggie.
themselves.” – August Strindberg “Things that upset a terrier may I can do that with my eyes closed.
“Ever consider what they must think pass virtually unnoticed by a Duck? What duck?
of us? I mean, here we come back Great Dane.” – Smiley Blanton That’s odd.
from a grocery store with the most “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a Don’t be so superstitious.
amazing haul – chicken, pork, half a quickly vanishing look of amazed Now, watch this.
cow. They must think we’re the greatest contempt, and I am convinced Ooooooooooooooooooo!
hunters on earth!” – Anne Tyler that, basically, dogs think humans
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration are nuts.” – John Steinbeck I love unintentional humour. One often
as conclusive evidence that you finds examples in advertisements.
are wonderful.” – Ann Landers fAMOus lAst WOrds Like these two newspaper
“Women and cats will do as they please Here’s another list – it’s a list advertisements for charity events:
and men and dogs should relax and get of famous last words: Alzheimer’s Centre – Tonight’s film:
used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein Ah cute! I wonder where “An Affair to Remember”.
“There is no psychiatrist in mummy lion is. Tonight’s Talk: “Leprosy in the 20th
the world like a puppy licking What does this button do? Century”. Finger supper will follow.

36 Waterfall Issue 5 2021
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