Page 22 - IFV Issue 1 January 2026

Health & Wellness

Autism & ADHD in Girls:

THE QUIET ONES WE KEEP MISSING

f you have a daughter who walks It’s not deception. It’s survival.
through the front door after school And it works — until the moment
Iand immediately dissolves into it doesn’t. Because masking uses a
tears, or shuts herself in her room, or tremendous amount of energy. It’s
clings to you without knowing why — mentally and emotionally exhausting,
you’re not imagining it. This is one of and it often leaves these girls completely
the clearest patterns in autistic and wiped out by the end of the day. Parents
ADHD girls. They don’t usually fall see the raw version of the child the
apart in front of their teacher or their school never sees — because home
classmates. They hold it together until is the only place where she feels safe
they reach the one place where they enough to let go.
can finally let their body drop. You can often recognise masking in the
And that moment — the crash — tells tiny things: the girl who seems cheerful
you more than any school report ever will. all day but cries in the car; the girl who
looks social but tells you friendships
The “Good Girl” Everyone Sees feel confusing; the girl who follows
At school, many neurodivergent girls instructions perfectly at school, then shuts
are described with the same glowing down over simple homework because her
phrases: well-behaved, polite, helpful, brain has nothing left to give.
mature. They’re the child teachers rely busy, too unpredictable.
on, the one who never causes trouble, Why So Many Girls Go Undetected
the one who quietly gets on with things. Masking: The Skill Nobody One of the biggest reasons girls get
But “good” can be a mask, not a Teaches, But So Many Girls Learn missed is that people expect autism
measurement. Masking is something girls fall into and ADHD to look big and obvious.
While everyone else sees a girl who instinctively. They’re often highly They expect disruption, hyperactivity, or
copes beautifully, home becomes the observant, so they learn early on to intense, unusual interests. But girls often
place where her overwhelm finally speaks. study what other children do and copy present quietly. Their interests look
The tears, the irritability, the clinginess, it. They watch how their classmates normal — animals, reading, baking,
the sudden silence — these aren’t signs laugh, how they join games, how they crafting — but they dive into them
of weakness. They’re signs of effort. Signs answer questions, how they greet the with a depth and intensity that’s easy to
that she has spent an entire day trying teacher. And slowly, they build a little overlook.
to fit into a world that feels too loud, too script for themselves. They don’t often show distress

20 • January/February 2026 • The Villager