Page 23 - IFV Issue 1 January 2026

Health & Wellness

outwardly. Instead, they internalise. the things she doesn’t yet have words The Quiet Work of Believing Her
Worry becomes their default setting. A for. “It felt too loud today,” or “That was a Perhaps the most important support
tree slipping in the wind can set their lot for your body,” or “It makes sense that you can give her is simply believing
stomach turning. A raised eyebrow from you’re tired — school was full of people what she tells you — even when it
the teacher can linger for days. They’re and instructions and noise.” These simple contradicts what adults outside the
not being dramatic — they’re carrying far reflections help her understand her own home see. If she says it was too loud, too
more emotional information than most experience with kindness instead of fast, too confusing, or too much, trust
people realise. shame. that she’s telling you the truth of her
Friendships can be especially tricky. And if school says she’s perfectly fine? body and brain.
On the surface, they might look social. Trust what you see at home. Teachers see Children rarely have the words for
But many girls feel like they’re guessing a snapshot. You see the whole child. overwhelm. They show us through
at invisible rules, or trying desperately behaviour. And behaviour is always
to keep up with the emotional shifts of The Friendship Layer communication.
peer groups. They may feel lost even Girls often tie their sense of worth to
while smiling. They may cling tightly their friendships. For neurodivergent What Happens When We Truly See
to one friend, or become the helper, girls, friendships can be incredibly Her
the peacemaker, the girl who takes rewarding but also incredibly draining. When a girl grows up being seen —
on everyone else’s feelings just to stay They may become the child who properly, gently, without judgement —
included. comforts everyone but has no one who she doesn’t have to carry the same load
And often, they do well enough truly understands her. Or they may into adolescence and adulthood that so
academically to stay just under the attach themselves intensely to one many undiagnosed girls end up carrying.
radar. Not because school is easy — but friend and feel lost when that dynamic She grows up with an understanding of
because they’re afraid of failing, afraid of shifts — which it inevitably does in her needs instead of a fear that she’s
being seen as “too much”, afraid of letting childhood. somehow failing. She learns that rest
anyone down. Helping her navigate this gently — is not a weakness, sensitivity is not a
by explaining emotional boundaries, flaw, and asking for space is not “being
For Parents: How to Support Her giving her language to ask for space, and difficult”.
Softly and Steadily teaching her that not everyone’s feelings She begins to grow into herself, not
What helps most is recognising that are her responsibility — can make an away from herself.
school takes more out of her than it takes enormous difference. She’s not being And that shift — that single moment
out of other children. Not because she’s clingy or dramatic. She’s trying to find her of recognition — can change the entire
less capable — but because every social place in a system that feels confusing. shape of her childhood.
cue, every sound, every instruction,
every group interaction requires more
energy.
So the first thing she needs when she
gets home is a soft landing. Sometimes
that looks like a quiet room, a snack, a
warm bath, or just being left alone for
a little while. Sometimes it looks like
curling up next to you on the couch and
doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes it’s
tears that come out of nowhere. Let them
come. It’s release, not misbehaviour.
Let home be the place where she
doesn’t have to perform. You don’t need
to rush to fix anything. You don’t need to
ask her to explain herself. Just giving her
permission to be tired and telling her she
is safe is often enough to let her body
reset.
You can also help by gently naming

The Villager • January/February 2026 • 21