Page 28 - Silver Lakes January Issue 2023

TODAY’S CHILD

fall into the trap of making mountains out Our reality is generated by our focus. dangerous. We tend to self-sabotage our
of molehills. Things you can work on and Whatever we focus on develops and grows. relationships by regarding those around
change, change. Stop ruminating on the So, a new beginning could just be the result us in the wrong way. We become self-
things you cannot change – let them go. of a shift in one’s focus. critical, asking questions like: “Why is my
life/marriage/friendship not like that?”
3. Laugh more Place your attention on the things that
You may be struggling to get your life back matter. It may be hard at first, but you can As an outsider, can you honestly know
in order, or to find your purpose or attain start by practising. Go back to the basics exactly what someone else’s life or
your goal. Be present and be a warrior, and redefine what is important to you. In relationship is like?
but don’t forget to laugh. Even during the the end, your lenses will be cleaner and
most difficult time in your life you can find your focus sharper. We don’t know what goes on behind
reasons to laugh. Too much of anything closed doors. We cannot imagine the
is not good – too much commitment, too 6. Act, don’t react dramas that hide behind the façade of
much strain, too much seriousness will, in If you keep reacting to what is happening, friendship. We can, however, change
the end, have the opposite effect. It will you will never start afresh. You will end up how we analyse others and how we
drag you down. So, try to keep things light. continuously being chased by what you are allow feedback to be processed. This
running from. This is because change by opens the door to perspective. By gaining
Laugh at yourself while you struggle to reaction comes from fear and denial. Make perspective on our relationships, we are
lift heavier weights at the gym. Laugh your own judgement in situations and be better able to see things more clearly –
with your family when your child tells yet proactive rather than reactive. but this cannot happen if we think that
another knock-knock joke. Laugh inside change in our own lives is impossible.
when someone is being unkind because This process starts by you acknowledging Then we have already self-sabotaged the
their unkindness is a reflection of them, that you are largely what you tell yourself. change.
not you. You do what you continuously tell your
brain to do. What you believe you can 8. The perfection trap
4. Practise your “yes” and your “no” change and can do, you will change and do. Linked to the point above is the idea of
Change is never about negativity. You Those things that you firmly believe you perfection. Perfection is a big mind trap.
cannot change as long as you are stuck. cannot change will not change. Make sure There is no perfection in life. There are no
Denial and resistance to anything new that you involve yourself in this process and perfect marriages, perfect friendships or
brings immobility, and movement is change all the “I cannot” responses to “I perfect people. Perfection does not exist.
difficult when you are immobile. When can”. Start afresh by taking action. Everybody is just doing their best, same as
you’re stuck in a rut, very few options you are. So, let us suspend the notion of
for change are available. Saying “yes” to 7. Stop self-sabotage perfection and rather pursue the notion
doing things differently may open the way Your biggest enemy is you. Whether you of being better and doing better. Be better
for possibilities and growth. Any genuine are afraid of success or you fear failure, than you were yesterday – because being
change will be fuelled by your capacity to these are a major part of your mindset better will always offer you room for
say “yes”. and can be a form of self-sabotage. This is change. Chasing perfection will not.

Likewise, you may also need to learn to
say “no” – no to an abusive relationship,
a drama-filled friendship, a boring job, a
limiting context. The more you practise
saying “no”, the better you will become
at refusing to accept negativity and toxic
situations. Do not take anything for
granted. You have the power to say “no”
to certain things in your life. You have the
power to say “no” to the past, and “yes” to
the future.

5. Clear your view
The road to change may be right in front
of you, but you can’t see it. Why? Either
because your lenses have become blurred
or you are focusing on the wrong things.

26 | INTRAMUROS JANUARY 2023