Page 29 - Silver Lakes January Issue 2023

TODAY’S CHILD

9. Get rid of the guardians people. In many cases, the old ways of These younger guardians, the leaders
More and more in my private practice, I see doing things no longer apply. So, the old of our pack, speak with authority in our
individuals and couples who have been told ways of being married and raising children friendship circles and sometimes, even in
by various so-called authority figures how no longer fit the challenges of a modern, our homes. We need to be careful about
things should be. These guardians may be technologically driven world. which guardian voices we listen to. There
our parents, or role models, or influencers are those who provide growth and positive
whose views of the world are well publicised Of course, there are valuable insights that experiences for development, but there are
and given undue attention. Too many of us the older generations provide, and I am also those who provide stagnation and keep
follow individuals who have idealistic views not negating these, but these are not the us small. These guardians have no place in
or unattainable goals – many of which do instances I am referring to. I am referring a fresh start. They may actually impede
not feature as part of our reality. to situations where the grandparents are development and growth as they act out of
unable to understand the changes that have a selfish need to maintain the status quo.
A person in authority may be abusive and occurred, with the result that things are
play power games, so be careful who you now being done differently. The norm these 10. Talk
choose to listen to. A guardian may try to days is technology, the fast pace of change Slow progress is still progress, so don’t
hamper your efforts at making a fresh start and the need for the younger generation to let anyone or anything prevent you from
because this doesn’t suit them – it serves keep up. Even parents find it hard to keep growing. If you are having trouble moving on
their purpose better if you continue to ‘fit up with these rapidly occurring changes. and making the fresh start you seek, talk to
in’ and not grow and develop. They may see somebody. It can be a friend or a therapist.
your process of change as being disruptive Staying true to out-of-date views or By retelling your story to someone else, you
to their sense of security and their version principles will not enable you to start will not only feel a little better but may also
of reality. afresh. The opposite is true: by maintaining find a new idea, a solution or the courage
the view of past generations that “this is the you lack to start afresh. Other people can
While we need to acknowledge the way it is done”, we are immobilised. Retain often be the triggers of your change.
influence that our family of origin plays the good things from the past, but disregard
in our lives, we do not need to give them anything that limits you. In conclusion, be positive about what lies
undue power over us. As adults, our parents ahead, and make it your mission for 2023
are our most obvious guardians. Parents Guardians also come in the form of friends, to be the year that you achieve great
may unwittingly, or sometimes knowingly, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives. things.
play power games. They are older and
therefore, we are told, “wiser”, so we must
listen to them. However, their power games
may be aimed at keeping you or your family
under their thumb rather than aimed at
helping you.

Some parents exert control directly by
providing finances; others apply more subtle
forms of manipulation, such as playing off
their adult children against their spouses o Marital, Couples & Family Therapy
or partners. Couples need to remember o Counselling Children, Adolescents & Adults
that being married or co-habiting means
o “Teen” Challenges
they can move away from their parents.
Therefore, if you are in a couple situation o Behavioural & Adjustment Challenges
where the guardians are calling the shots, it o Stress-Related Challenges
may be time for a change as a fresh start is o Adjustment to Depression & Anxiety
not possible in this context.
o Subject & Career Psychometric Testing

The older generation – be they For an appointment please call
grandparents, older friends or teachers –
may often voice misplaced ideas because 083 376 1995
they come from a different era. Many of Fees are charged according to Scale of Benefits
the social demands that they had to cope
Practice Address: 27 Fish Eagle Street, Silver lakes, Pretoria
with have changed. The world has moved
Pr. Nr. 0860000114022 | Reg. No.: PS 0080543
on, placing different demands on younger

INTRAMUROS JANUARY 2023 | 27