Page 36 - Intra Muros April 2024

TODAYS CHILD

motivate your child to develop insight into freaked out by this and can’t stay calm. Some examples of lighthouse parenting
how problems or life circumstances may How the hoot am I supposed to navigate include:
or may not play out. They put you back through it?”. There needs to be a shift • allow children to make their own
in control and teach your child how to towards healthier pacing when life decisions and trust they will make good
problem-solve, giving your child the skills throws us situations we aren’t in charge choices.
needed to be a successful adult. of. • are an example of kind, respectful, and
thoughtful people for their children to
• Air-fryer parenting backfires because The shift needs to happen to be a model their behaviour after.
there are no mediating role players: lighthouse parent—helicopters control, • comfort their child when they turn to
Understandably, parents today fear they air-fryers burn, while lighthouses guide. parents after experiencing challenges.
won’t be able to control their children. The Helicopters fly around, air-fryers demand, • set clear rules for their child to protect
media, the online world, and their children’s while lighthouses stay firm, stable, and them, and trust that they will follow and
peers are just too great an influence. Many consistent. And possibly most importantly, respect the boundaries.
parents fall into the trap of using intensity helicopters shoot down potential threats, • foster a robust support system for their
and control to offset the power of these air-fryers come in blowing intense all-or- child, equipping them with the tools
outside influences. Unfortunately, their nothing approach force to keep control, they need to grow and become more
reactive nature of intensity is a shortcut and lighthouses illuminate the path. independent.
that doesn’t work in the long term. Parents
need to be able to teach their children how AIR-FRYER PARENTS: Benefits of lighthouse parenting
to deal with these powerful influences on • Either switched off or blasting with Some benefits of this approach include
their own. One of the problems with this intense heat. better problem-solving and active problem-
• Highly reactive parents.
type of parenting is that when the child coping, increased independence rates, a
• Propels their child forward, then
leaves the home, they don’t know how to solid parent-child bond surrounding trust
abandons them to ‘cope’ alone.
behave independently. Then, they get into and support, decreased engagement in
the kind of trouble that the parents were [ Leads to oppositional behaviour, risky behaviour, more excellent academic
afraid of in the first place. Compliance is anxiety, family system constantly success rates, emotional security,
achieved through fear of retribution, not being on edge. resilience, self-reliance, and self-esteem
through consequences that allow the child development. It is achieved through the
to learn from their mistakes. following:
THE “LIGHTHOUSE PARENT”
• Moderating emotional regulation builds According to an article by Dr Kenneth • Support your child: Lighthouse’s guide
self-efficacy: I realise that many parents Ginsburg, lighthouse parenting is when and provide a stable grounding point.
don’t intend to parent like this. Some of a parent creates a balance between love Practically, this is done by encouraging
us lose our cool and react to the situation and setting limits for a child to ensure that your child to try new activities that
by yelling. But yelling doesn’t work. a child is nurtured and safe and respects interest them, even if they are scared.
If it did, we would all have compliant parents as important figures in their lives. Allow your child to choose their friend
children. Parents often react to their Parents should act as a lighthouse while group and encourage them to socialise.
children without thinking because they raising their children, including being a Comfort your child when they fail a test,
believe they need to get their children guiding light/example for their child to turn lose a game, or face another difficulty.
to understand the situation or change to, providing a sense of safety in times of
their behaviour immediately. This trouble, and informing their child of danger, • Develop trust: Lighthouse parenting
desperation allows your child’s behaviour but allowing them to navigate the challenge revolves around balance, which means
to determine how you behave rather than independently. Lighthouse parenting trust should be developed on both sides
the other way around. We must model centres around balancing love, respect, and of the parent-child relationship. Parents
appropriate behaviour if we expect it trust between parents and children. It aims need to trust their children to make
from our children. Therefore, if we come to help parents provide a strong, supportive their own decisions and remember
in hot, we are demonstrating to our base for their children to rely on, placing the boundaries that are in place, and
children just how overwhelmed we are trust in children’s decision-making skills and in return, children need to trust that
with the situation. The message to the their ability to cope with any consequences their parents are setting reasonable
child is then, “Wow, Mom and Dad are that may arise from them. boundaries to protect them.

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