Page 39 - Waterfall_Issue 5_2022

T here is an art to setting

boundaries. It is a skill we
need to learn. Boundaries are
not meant to punish – rather,
they are there for our well-being and
protection. They are more effective
when we are assertive and calm, but
firm. If that does not work, we may
need to communicate consequences
to encourage people to respect
them. It is essential, however, that we
never threaten a consequence we
are not fully prepared to carry out.

SETTING BOUNDARIES
As stated, setting boundaries is a skill, teach people who we are and how we difficulty in identifying your own
which gets easier the more you practise would like to be treated in relationships. emotions and needs. People with loose
it. And the more you practise, the less boundaries are often sensitive to others’
guilt and fear you will feel, and the more EMPOWERING YOURSELF comments and criticisms. Common
accustomed people will become to Good personal boundaries protect you. signs of loose boundaries include:
your boundaries. They are your way of Without them, life feels scary and you • over-involvement in others’ lives
telling people how you would like to be may feel anxious. Additionally, having • perfectionism
treated. As you become more skilled at a sense of boundaries helps you to • people-pleasing
setting boundaries, you will see a shift connect with your true self. They are • trying to fix and control others with
in how people behave towards you. based on your beliefs, thoughts, feelings, judgements and advice
decisions, choices, wants and needs. • staying in unhealthy relationships
Setting boundaries is an important • taking on too much work or too many
part of establishing one’s identity The downside is that when you do commitments
and is a crucial aspect of mental not protect, or you overprotect your • avoiding being alone too much
health and well-being. Boundaries boundaries, your needs go unmet. • feeling responsible for everything and
can be physical or emotional, and This can lead to anxious feelings and everyone.
they can range from being loose to behaviours. Setting healthy boundaries
rigid, with healthy boundaries often allows you to feel safe, to relax and to Rigid boundaries can lead to feelings
falling somewhere in between. feel empowered to care for yourself. of loneliness and isolation. Some
people may also avoid connection
It is important to remember that FINDING A BALANCE with themselves due to concerns of
boundaries are learned. But not to We need to find a balance between negative feedback. Rigid boundaries
worry, they can be learned at any loose and rigid boundaries. This is represent a protection from
stage in life. because when boundaries are loose, you vulnerability, where hurt, loss and
may easily take on the emotions and rejection can occur and be especially
RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES needs of others. There is little sense of a painful. Being inflexible or rigid limits
Boundaries are guidelines, rules or ‘separate self’ and you may experience opportunities for growth and change.
limits that a person creates to identify
for themselves what the reasonable, Rigid boundaries Loose boundaries Healthy boundaries
safe and permissible ways are for Avoids intimacy and Overshares personal Values own opinions
other people to behave around them close relationships information
and how they will respond when Is unlikely to ask for help Has difficulty saying “no” Doesn’t compromise
someone steps outside those limits. to the requests of others values for others
Is very protective of Is dependent on the Shares personal
To set boundaries in relationships is personal information opinions of others information in an
vital. It is how we differentiate ourselves appropriate way
from the other person. It is the line May seem detached, even Is accepting of abuse Knows personal wants
between where ‘I end’ and ‘you begin’. with romantic partners or disrespect and needs and can
Thus, healthy boundaries define who communicate them
we are in relation to others. They help Keeps others at a Fears rejection if they do Is accepting when
us to know what we will tolerate and distance to avoid the not comply with others others say “no” to them
what the limits are with others. They possibility of rejection

Waterfall Issue 5 2022 37