Page 41 - Waterfall_Issue 5_2022

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES • Let go of judgement about yourself. people who drain you and
Learning to set healthy boundaries When you can accept yourself for who those who energise you. Protect
takes time. It is a process. Set them you are, there is less of a need to hide yourself by saying no to those
in your own time-frame, not when your true self. A more positive inner who drain you, or find ways to
someone else tells you. Here are some world can help you feel safer with reduce these feelings through
tips for setting healthy boundaries: vulnerability. Judging yourself less setting limits or lowering unhealthy
• Know yourself. This means knowing means you are able to judge others standards. Add more energising
your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, less. This allows for understanding activities to your day instead.
choices and experiences. It also and makes setting boundaries easier • Practise the pause. When you feel the
means knowing and connecting because the boundary is then not urge to run away, stop and check in
with your needs, feelings and bodily based on a predetermined notion with yourself. What are you feeling?
sensations. Without knowing yourself, of yourself or the other person. How would you like to react?
you cannot really know your limits • Carry your own bag of emotions. • Get clear on what you value and
and needs. In other words, without Feel what you feel. Do not take desire. What do you really want? What
knowing yourself, you will not be able responsibility for others or take on is truly important to you in your life?
to determine which boundaries need the emotions of others. Try practising Get clear on your most important
to be put in place. This knowledge openness by being willing to listen values. Use your values to guide your
will also help you to define your to others about how your behaviour decisions versus others’ opinions or
needs more clearly when boundaries affects them. Acknowledge and expectations. Use this to help you
are crossed. Remember that setting make the necessary changes if you find what is missing from your life.
boundaries is healthy and actually are affecting them, but weigh in on • Although you cannot control
serves everyone, while putting others what is your responsibility in the how others feel and react to
first leaves you feeling tired, resentful interaction. Only carry what is yours the boundaries you set, you can
and with your needs largely unmet. to carry; give back their feelings, do your part in delivering your
• Be flexible. Having healthy thoughts and expectations. message in a warm and clear way.
boundaries does not mean rigidly • There is no black and white. This Try setting the boundaries clearly
saying no to everything, nor does is linked to the previous point. and compassionately by labelling
it mean becoming a hermit to Everyone’s experience is based on what is happening and why you
protect yourself from others. We are their perception of what is happening. are setting this new boundary.
constantly growing, learning and You may have a different perception. • Hang around people who add value.
evolving as human beings, therefore, Try to see the bigger picture. • If your boundaries aren’t
our boundaries need to be flexible. • Pay attention to activities and effective, revisit them.

Waterfall Issue 5 2022 39