Page 31 - Waterfall City Issue 5 May 2023

they not sure?” The same applies in the it must fit the crime. Parenting styles
classroom: “Where is the teacher sure and should inform our strategy on how to
where is the teacher not sure?” change bullying behaviour. occurs in patterns. If we can find the
communication problem, we start
Anxious children tend to test • Behaviour management approach dismantling the problematic behaviour.
more boundaries. Ironically, when Cognitive behavioural therapy is most That’s where the level of help is needed.
authoritarian parents create rigid commonly used to address bullying
boundaries in their children, it tends to behaviours, but we seldom get the • Understand how the behaviour is
backfire on them as it often encourages parents and the bully to acknowledge carried out
children to rebel. Rebellion isolates the their bullying behaviour. Hence, we We approach it by understanding that
child and they find themselves alone, seldom see the bully in therapy. behaviour is created through patterns.
which makes their world unsafe and Life in general comprises behavioural
scary. This is unfortunate because when a patterns that produce a desired
behaviour management approach outcome. These patterns are reinforced.
Permissive parents fare no better. By is used to address the areas that the For example, bullying behaviour gets
telling their child that there are no child or teen is lacking in, then the reinforced because the bully gets to
boundaries, permissive parents offer no manifestation of bullying would be feel powerful. They believe that they are
security and so the child feels unsafe in reduced. the leader, they are in charge, they are
the world. popular, etc. So, parents and teachers
Little can be done within the home and need to observe the daily behaviour of
How does this carry on into the school environment to address a the child and see what’s happening in
the teen years? problem when the perpetrator rarely their environment – perhaps then they
A secure child who grows up with goes to therapy. As a solution, we can can identify what triggers the negative
boundaries knows they have a safe implement a behaviour management behaviour. This is what will break the
space within which to function and approach at school, on the sports field behaviour code.
that life is fairly predictable. The child and at home. However, this approach is
without boundaries grows up in an labour-intensive and is therefore seldom • Break the behaviour code
insecure environment and is enabled applied. It takes time to set up and even It sounds easy enough, but it requires
to harm parents and friends. This child more time before results show. lots of observation and understanding.
does not get the opportunity to learn Something happened before the
empathy. The approach looks something like this: bullying incident to create the need to
bully. When we have a behaviour, we
Without set boundaries, a child cannot • Understand the function of the also have a consequence – every action
learn about the self and the other. This behaviour has an equal reaction. More often than
means they do not learn to read social We need to change how we view the not, the bullying behaviour is carried out
cues accurately as there is a constant child. They are no longer a bully but to cover up the fact that the child feels
blending of the self and the other. In a child with inappropriate behaviour. insecure, insignificant and threatened by
other words, as a teenager, the child is Bullying is a desperate way of behaving, another.
denied the opportunity to develop a so we need to get all the facts about
solid sense of self. the child. This requires open and We all have the ability to be unkind,
honest talking and a great deal of and perhaps even to display bullying
So, permissive and authoritarian understanding. But in the moment of the or domineering behaviours. Every
parenting styles either constrict a child’s transgression, it is difficult not to enter human being is capable of behaving in
development or deny the child the into a power struggle with the child. an offensive manner, but some people
environment they need to ensure their However, there are many reasons for have the desire to be educated about it
optimal development. These parents bullying and the behaviour must not be and to grow, while others choose not to
need to change their style of parenting. seen in isolation. be accountable and continue to act in
unacceptable ways.
The most ideal parenting style is A huge effort is required to change the
authoritative as it allows for open system as it constantly reinforces itself. It is not enough to support the victim of
communication where there are rules Therefore, parents and teachers need to the bully; we need to stop the bullying
and boundaries, as well as where fair understand that you do what you can, at behaviour itself. We must insist that
and balanced discipline takes place. I the pace you can, when you can. Change the bully take accountability for their
am not saying you cannot discipline will not happen overnight. behaviour and stop the current way of
a child, but punitive discipline is a dealing with the situation, which entails
problem. Discipline needs to be seen Behaviour is a form of communication, understanding the behaviour but not
as consequential and immediate, and and as such, it has a function and it actually preventing it from recurring.

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